Welcome to My Journey

This is the story of a single stitch from the universal blanket as I try to get out of a snag. Instead, I get myself in a bunch of knots, but you'll see that things always work out the way they are suppose to in the end. Welcome to the journey, feel free to pipe in. This is subject to copyright, and must have my consent for partial or whole copies. Feel free to email me, or message. Would be happy to meet fellow stitches out there ;) I'm interested in hearing your stories as well. ~Biddy

Friday, March 15

Anyone seen my mind? I'm sure I had it right here....

Irony in my last blog title.....Memory Loop.
Have been having strong issues with memory, which seem to be increasing in degree.
A few days ago, I actually found myself using Google Maps, to find my way home......from bus stop less than a mile from my house.
Memory is an interesting thing.
If I am to lose it, I wish I could be given a check list of which ones I would like to erase.
Lots of memories that dementia could be a blessing......
Instead, I feel like an ass, trying to figure out where the hell I am, when taking a path I thought I could walk in my sleep...................
I have a call in to Neuro, but I am guessing this is just part of Chiari.......the gift that keeps on giving.

Trying to not take myself so seriously.
Typically, with these brain lapses, I shrug, and laugh it off.
Its a common joke among me and my friends.
The only difference this time is that I was alone, and frightened.........and very aware that I should know where I was.
Have had this sort of thing happen before in recent times.
Gone to coffee, only to get off the bus, and think I had stepped into another city.........glancing around at all the strange buildings, hoping for a glimpse of something familiar..........only to get back on the bus and head home; freaked out by my own confusion.

Trying to come up with more memory enhances, if you may.....I already use Catch, to catch everything I think I will remember, but know there is a good chance that I won't.........like my own address is a prime example.
Not that I live there or anything.
Seems like one of those things you could recall after 6 months of being here.

I funny memory lapse story, to break from the seriousness of the topic.
I used to be on Aricept, a medication used to treat Alzheimer's.....until I stopped all meds, fearful they were getting in between my laxative use.
Anyhow, I went to pick up my pills from the pharmacy one day, and went to enter my pin for my debit card, that I had used for years (yeah, not a good idea in day of Identity Theft, but thats besides the point)
I had no clue what my pin was as I begin to type........so I tried everything I could think of.........which eventually locked my card up.
I had to leave the pharmacy and go across street to my bank, and change my secret pin before I could take the dreaded pills that were already bagged........giving witness to my embarrassment.
I told myself the pharmacy tech knew nothing about what the medication was, or for what is was used.......just long enough to get through the moment without completely loosing myself in the sobs resting tightly in my chest.
As I walked home though, I finally did get the joke. Thanks Universe.

Trying to come up with other little memory prompts as I go.
After getting lost in my own neighborhood, I do look back, and thank God that I at least was not so confused that I didn't know how to use my smart phone...........you know, the phone smart enough to know the way home......
So I did at least cut my worries down a bit by pinning my address in the map and marking it home, to make the search easier if there is a next time.
And am thinking of putting a card in my wallet saying "If lost, please to return to...." and putting my roommates name and number on there.

There are ways to work around this.........just as I have learned with everything else with Chiari.
The key is not getting swept up in the emotions of believing I am loosing my mind, and coming up with possible hints, and solutions.

I have a freaking degree in looking outside the box, and problem solving.
Starting to understand why God had my take that route before Chiari stepped in and took center stage.

My only fear now is that I would become a burden on others, so I've come up with a plan for that as well.
Its all about planning.
I suck at planning.
Perhaps this is the lesson I need to take from this patch of thistle.
There is always a teaching moment.......even in the oddest of times.
Just need to let this teach me and not break me.
I'll tell you right now, the not breaking........that's the hardest.
Feel very alone.
And feel that is where I should be.
Why take others down this path if I might not remember them?
Already forget names so often, that hon, babe, darling, and sweetie, have become common pet names for everyone from my favorite barista, to my roommates, to the stranger on the street.........because when it comes to memory blanks, my knowledge of the name of someone I have known for years, is on equal playing ground with some lady I shared idle conversation with once on an airplane.
Brain farts do not favorites apparently.
Live and learn.
Live and learn.

However, since I have memory issues, I wonder how many times I have to go through and study the lesson.
Peace and love fellow stitches.
Take care of you and those precious moments.
If we live in the moment, memory is not a huge concept, right........too busy with the moment to care.
Take care of that precious biddy stitch you occupy, and love one another. ~Biddy

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